Monthly Archives: October 2007

Halloween + Maeve = ‘Nifty’ 1950s!

Knowing this is likely the last year where Maeve will simply don whatever I choose to dress her in for Halloween, I thought I’d have some 1950s fun.

And frankly, I think it’s just dreamy! And nifty, too! (OK, so I’m not so super smooth with the ’50s jargon. Blame “Grease” and “Back to the Future.”)

To help you forget my lame lingo, check out my little Maevey Gravy who’s seriously rockin’ her costume. (Is it me or does she look a lot older than two in the last shot?)

Festivities this evening include a parade at Maeve’s preschool, and making the rounds to grandparents and great-grandpa. And, hopefully, some peanut butter cups … for moi.

Happy Halloween to all!







Filed under Adoption, For fun, Maeve

Birthday, closed-adoption style

Today marks 36 years since my husband came into this world.

While candles, cake and jabs about him aging certainly are on my agenda, this day usually finds me pondering his bigger birthday picture.

After all, 36 years ago he became a baby waiting to be adopted.

The details of his first few months aren’t carefully chronicled in a scrapbook placed on a high shelf for safekeeping. There are no newborn photos, edges yellow and curling with time, pasted above captions handwritten by the woman who brought him into this world.

When it comes to such things, there are only questions:

After her last push, and his first breath and cry, did she reach out for him?

Was he wheeled into her hospital room so she could hold him — his little hand curled around her finger — and did she whisper into his ears all her hopes and dreams for him?

Did his hospital bracelet share the last name printed on hers, even if for a short time?


The records from the start to his life do not belong to him; they are not his to see. Instead, he is allowed bits and pieces of data broken by thick, black lines. Marks meant to protect his birthmother’s privacy. And that they do.

But they simultaneously erase essential parts to him. Parts that make up his whole.

Yet, amid the total disconnect of their closed adoption, I somehow feel connected to her.

Me, the woman loving the man that she only knows as a baby boy.

What is irrefutable is that he spent 10 months nestled in her belly, his life nurtured by her own. Also undeniable is the loss in the missing chapters of his story. Her story. Their story.

In some ways that loss begets gain: It keeps us steadfast in our commitment to openness in adoption. For our daughter. For her first mother. For the story we hope they write together.

Today, on the anniversary of my husband’s birth, I celebrate not only his turning a year older, but that I am so lucky to know him and to love him in person every day.

And the first woman to ever know him and love him?

Perhaps today she is thinking of him, too — remembering moments and whispers only they may have shared all those years ago.


Filed under Adoption, Birth parents, Birthdays, Closed Adoption, Love, Parental surrenders, Parenting

OK, already! (And a photo op)

Two girlfriends chillin’ lakeside.
(Taylor, left, and Maeve)

I’ve been hearing it lately from folks in my life (in a snarky tone): “What, no new blog entry?” And those of you that e-mailed to see if I’d fallen off my computer chair and just couldn’t get up? Thanks for checking in. Makes a mama feel loved.

It’s true, I fell off the radar for awhile, ever since I returned from my jaunt to Arizona with Maeve. So, why so quiet ’round here? I could say the flight home was really, really, really delayed (hey, Newark’s got a reputation for that!), but the truth of the matter is when we returned home, I had to hit the ground running.

We weren’t home but 12 hours when I was at our local reservation/park setting up for my local adoption group’s fall fun picnic — from storytime to pinatas to painting pumpkins, the kids (and adults!) had a really nice time. It was especially nice to see all the children touched by adopton — in vastly different ways — all playing together and hopefully beginning to form friendships for the future.

Around the same time, I had some writing assignments that required me buckling down and getting them done and filed.

And the last two-plus weeks I’ve been filling in for another editor at the newspaper, trying to cover my work and hers, and the hours and schedule have been well, rather unscheduled. And when I get home, if Maeve was still awake, the first thing I wanted to be doing was being with her, not logging back onto a computer. Kinda defeats the purpose of blogging on first-time parenting and adoption if I’m not spending time with my daughter, isn’t it? Of course, she’s the priority.

This week alone there’s been a couple adoption programs to attend: my local group’s monthly meeting and an agency program, for which Thomas and I were panelists. The topic of both meetings? Openness in adoption. And y’all know I’ve got some opinions on that.

Lest anyone think it’s been all business ’round here, there’s been some kid-fun things squeezed in, too. From getting Maeve’s Halloween costume ready (oh, just wait for the photos, just wait!) and pumpkin-picking, weekly swim classes (just don’t make her float on her back!) to a recent getaway weekend at the lakeside cottage in the country with our dear friends we met through adoption (whose daughter is just a few weeks younger than Maeve and was placed through the same program we were). Between both girls at the house, the petting farm we visited, and time spent tossing stones into the lake, there’s pah-lenty of photos to sort.

Bottom line? It’s been a whirlwind, but overall a welcome change, because being super-busy always makes me appreciate the norm that much more, once we return to it.

There’s lots to talk about, including some of the events I’ve mentioned, plus some other asides, including the question of NaBloPoMo (super-wary that I’m able to successfully complete the task), plus a very interesting link to a site about commercialism for children that’s got me thinking. And there’s a book review scheduled, too, as I’m now affiliated with MotherTalk, a book review site for blogging mothers, and Harper Collins just sent to my doorstep my first book to review.

So, thanks for coming back — and stick around. Listen closely and you’ll hear me cranking up the gears, as I’m getting this girl back to a nice, happy internet hum.


Filed under Adoption, Children, Maeve, Open Adoption, Parenting, Work, Writing